Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Trying to Get My Shit Together ...

AND remain calm while preparing for a visit from Florence ... sigh.

If you lived in my house for even 1 day you would find yourself having multiple anxiety attacks. I'm not kidding! As the Matriarch of the family and the one everyone goes to when they have a problem, issue, or need advice, my life is more than hectic. But, let me say right here, I would NOT change anything at all for any reason.

Hurricane Florence is tracking to directly impact us here in the Sand Hills. As of this morning, Hope Mills has declared a state of emergency, they have set a curfew in place and have begun lowering the water level in our town lake. The damn reconstruction was completed this past Spring and so many people have enjoyed being able to once again swim or kayak, and it would be pretty devastating to have it damaged in any way. No, I do not have any control over the weather, much as I'd love to be able to do so.

As of this morning, reports say Florence will have winds of upwards of 50MPH when she comes barreling into town, with gusts clocking between 75-90MPH. Rainfall is supposed to be somewhere around 8-10 inches, which will most assuredly be causing flooding in the waterways around the area. I'm not too worried about the flooding, our house is on a raised foundation and it will take quite a lot of rain to reach the doors. I'm more than a little worried about the wind, though. We are surrounded by trees, some of them are NC pines and those are notorious for shallow roots, it doesn't take much to send them toppling. We also have 2 large trees (not pine) in the front yard that could cause some major damage if they come down or any of the branches are destroyed. I'm looking for a place to safely park my car away from the larger trees ...that is still not a settled thing.

I've moved everything that isn't planted or anchored in the ground to the shed in the backyard, however, I'm not sure of the stability of that shed, it's pretty rickety. All the plants that are in pots are nestled securely in the area between the concrete steps and the side of the house away from the direct path of the wind, the water in the pool has been emptied quite a bit and all the pool toys have been secured as well.

Amidst all of the hurricane preparations, I'm also getting things together to go back on the road with Jimmy on the 24th of September. This means everything I have taken before needs to be laundered and packed into the travel bag I use. I haven't been out with him since April and when I came home the last time, I just unpacked, washed and put everything away in its designated spot in the closet or drawers. I'm packing for at least 2 weeks and will need to make sure I have clothes for warm weather and a couple changes in case we go someplace the temps are beginning to feel like autumn. Honestly? I'm hoping for a trip to Vermont! Jimmy was able to get a load there last month and that gave him the opportunity to see his parents for the first time in oh so many years. At any rate, I'm looking forward to seeing the changing leaves and cooler temps where ever we go, I'm seriously over the hot humid weather and long for fall. It's my favorite time of the year!!

I am really looking forward to being back in the Big Ass Truck! I absolutely love the time we spend together seeing places I've never been to and the one on one quality time of talking and sharing dreams and ideas is one of the things I miss most when he's away from home. There has been some talk of me going in the truck with him full time, but so far that subject is still in the discussion stage. And there would need to be a couple small investments made for me to do that. 

There are going to be some other changes taking place here at home and there will be some shuffling done to make them work. This is one of the reasons we have been talking about me going with him full time. I'll give you more about that when they become reality.

So, today, I'm spending time sorting clothes, doing laundry, making sure my planner and journal is ready to travel, checking out which books I have on the Kindle app on my iPad, making sure I have all the passwords I may or may not need to pay bills or take care of business while on the road in a safe place and getting Lily to the vet for her final inoculations and rabies shot. She loves to ride in the Edge, I'm excited to see how she does in the BAT!

So, here I sit on Tuesday, checking things off my written list as I complete them, watching every report I can find on Florence and keeping the candles lit for safety and minimal damage that may be coming our way.

Hurricane Florence

Yes, that time of the year has settled in quite well. Hurricane season is off with a bang! I've been trying to keep track of all the happenings, but now the next one is coming straight for us here in North Carolina. In fact, all the modules have Florence tracking straight for the Hope Mills-Fayetteville area.

I posted the following on my Facebook profile on Monday afternoon, but I don't know how many of you who are faithful readers of The Feisty Witch also check in on me on Facebook, so it's going here too ...

Here in the Sand Hills of NC, we are under a hurricane warning for Florence to visit with us on Thursday. From all reports, it's possible she will stall once she makes landfall. Governor Cooper has already called for the State of Emergency.

Most likely we will lose power, but our house sits high enough we "shouldn't" have to worry about flooding inside. We have bottled water and food that can be cooked on the side burner of the grill or just eaten out of the package. As soon as it starts raining here, I'll fill the big soaking tub in my bathroom with water so we can flush the toilet. We are on a private well and when the power goes, so does the water. We have 14 of those large 7-day candles, flashlights and a couple external power sources that will be charged in order to keep the cell phones working.

The gas tank on my car will be full and that's about all we can do. We dealt with hurricane Matthew a couple years ago and were without power for 5 days. The highway department has made repairs and reconstructed most of the bridges across the major roads that were impacted by Matthew.

My primary concern is the wind damage. There are TWO large trees in the front yard that could pose a problem. The roof is new, less than a year old, so I'm hoping it survives.

There will be flooding in the waterways and the one at the end of the major street we use for access to town and the highway is sure to overflow.

I'll check in from my phone as often as I can, but will save the battery as much as possible. I'll also check in from the desktop sometime Thursday morning as that is when we should begin to see the wind and rain.

Keep us in your thoughts and say a little prayer to the Gods that there isn't much damage from this one. Florence has been upgraded to a CAT 4 as of noon today. This one is gonna be a doozy!!

In the back of my mind, I hold the hope that this will peter out before it gets to us, but all reports say I'm whistling in the dark. We will get some major wind and rain from Florence. I hope I have prepared enough to get through an extended period of time without electricity and knowing that our major energy source has already sent out the call for reinforcements to join in the repair work is a tiny bit comforting. 

After living most of my life in Arizona where the norm was to have gas or propane appliances so you at least had a way to cook during a big weather event and then moving to an area where everything is electric, I STILL haven't found my comfort zone for any type of storm that has the risk of power outages. 

Oh yeah, did I mention that Jimmy is on the road and we have no idea if he will be able to get home? Yeah, that's a major concern too ... 

Monday, August 27, 2018

Hail Hecate


Hail Hekate Brimo,
Hail Hekate The Fierce,
Hail Hekate The Terrifying.
May I be prepared for the storms of life,
May I honor You through my actions,
May I learn from your gifts.
Guide me through life’s storms,
Remind me that I am strong beyond measure,
As I weather the chaos.
Grateful I am
For the terrors, You send my way,
As I grow wise and fierce.
Hail Hekate Brimo, Storm Bringer
Hail Hekate The Fierce,
Hail Hekate The Terrifying.

©Cyndi Brannen
used with permission

Thursday, August 23, 2018

It's Been Brought to My Attention

that there is a rumor going around I'm asking for money to maintain my blog. That is NOT true.

Last year in 2017 I felt I needed to remove myself from the company I had chosen for self-hosting of the blog. At that time I was using iPage and just wasn't happy with their customer service, the technical errors I experienced on an almost daily basis and the feeling my account had somehow been compromised because of the excess of foreign language pages that popped up when you clicked on any link within the blog, or the amount they were charging to maintain my ability to blog. Their restrictions became more and more and it seemed to me I was pretty limited on the things I was able to do.

About that same time, a person who I let back into my life (knowing full well I shouldn't) offered to buy a years hosting on WordPress. I did NOT ask for this to happen, I was content to just play things as they were at the time using the free platform. After a few discussions (with the insistence they WANTED to do for me, not because I had asked, but because they felt it was the thing to do) none of which included anything saying this was a loan or they expected to be reimbursed, I relented, the $35.00 per year required by WordPress was sent to my PayPal account and TheFeistyFaerieWitch.com was born.

I blogged under TFFW for less than 6 months. WordPress does not offer refunds, at all. During this same time frame, I made the harsh realization I couldn't be friends with this person and removed them from my life, permanently this time. I closed down TFFW on WordPress and went back to using The Feisty Witch domain on iPage. Fully aware I'd be facing the same challenges that made me feel I needed to move away from iPage but hadn't decided where to go or what to do ... yet.

Earlier this year, I moved the blog to blogger and transferred the domain for The Feisty Witch here as well. Google/Blogger charges $12.00 per year for them to host your domain and use their platform. That is a substantial savings from the amount it was costing at iPage and less than half of what WordPress wanted for a basic domain account.

This week, I've been getting random emails from someone who is "sharing" the complaints of the person who bought TFFW domain on WP last year. These emails come to my primary folder in my main email account, so whoever this person is, knows exactly how to contact me. They haven't used the email for the blog that is linked here. The return email address is on Yahoo with no personal information shared, so I don't know exactly who they are. I have my suspicions, but nothing conclusive.

Now, here's the point for this post.
  • NO, I am not asking for money to maintain my blog. I'm positive I can afford the $12.00 per year to blog on this platform. 
  • If you want to be reimbursed for the $35.00 you sent to me out of the "goodness of your heart", send me your PayPal info and I'll be happy to do so. Anything to get you to shut the fuck up and move on away from me with your snide comments and the poor pity me bullshit.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

This Week Has Been TOUGH!

Last Friday the 10th, I had to make that call I had so been dreading. My little Calliope had gotten SO sick with the liver failure we've been fighting for more than a year and she just couldn't go on. It was time to let her go so she could meet Mystik and Savannah on the Rainbow Bridge. She was more than just my pet, she was my support, my companion, my baby, but I couldn't let her suffer any longer. So, I called Dr. Chavis and set her free. Thankfully, Jimmy was able to get home to go with me, I don't think I could have managed without him.

Because I knew I was eventually going to need to let her go, I had already made up my mind I was going to take some time to fully grieve for Calliope and what we had been through before I began looking for another companion.

The rest of Friday went by in a blur, we did back to school shopping for the Little Witch and once Tanya was finished working and they went home, we had delivery for dinner. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed, pull the blankets over me and cry. I was spiraling downward faster than ever before and I wanted to wallow in that depression that was coming for me. However, the fates always seem to laugh at me in times like these.

As we were finishing dinner, Tanya and Niffers, Ed, Ravyn & Sam came through the front door. In Tanya's hands was a small gift bag and I assumed they had gotten a small gift to help raise my spirits. I was thinking a new vaping mod or something along those lines. Once again I was wrong in my assumptions.

Most of you know I suffer from depression and anxiety, I've been on different meds to help regulate those emotions, but didn't like the feeling of being non-reactive or as Jimmy puts it, I walked around like a Zombie expressing no emotions and sleeping my life away. I needed and wanted a way to deal with/control the depression that didn't interfere with my life. A couple of years ago, I stopped taking the drugs my doctors prescribed and found that smoking pot helped a lot, but didn't actually like smoking, it burns my lungs, makes me cough, nor did I like the actual feelings produced by the THC. So I stopped. Then I found CBD oil. Hence the thought of a new vaping mode.

Tanya sits the bag down on the table in front of me and it moved, so I knew it wasn't a new mod. Up pops this little head and I take the tiniest, cutest little Yorkie pup out and promptly begin crying my eyes out, again. I've always wanted a Yorkie but felt I just couldn't afford to get one. And I sure as hell wasn't actively looking for one. However, Tanya knows me, better than I know myself sometimes. She knew months ago that losing Calliope would devastate me and had begun looking (without my knowledge) for a new companion for me. After Calliope had the first seizure on Monday, she knew time was growing shorter and she ramped up that search.

The new little has already claimed a piece of my heart, she won't ever replace Calliope but is showing herself to be a fierce warrior and is helping me through what could have been my darkest time. I've named her Lily Bean Lesperance, Lily for Lilith, Bean because when she runs in the grass she jumps like a Mexican jumping bean and Lesperance for the family name required at the veterinarian's office. Off we go the PetSupermarket to get the necessities the new little will be needing. She has her own bed but much prefers to sleep with me snuggled up next to my neck or shoulder. And I've sworn to make sure she has the correct care with Dr. Chavis and those at Southern Oaks Animal Hospital.
Sunday evening, Niffers comes in with a box and puts it on my lap. She tells me to open it and inside I find a frame with 2 pictures of Calliope. Once again I begin the nasty cry I've been fighting and when I finally manage to get those tears under control, she tells me that she chose one image and Tanya chose the other. I'm going to put both this frame and the box containing Calliope's ashes on the fireplace mantle.

After spending the rest of the weekend with Jimmy home, he goes back out on Monday and I wake to find a nasty ass comment left anonymously here on a post. I have already blogged about that and I've moved on away from it. Yesterday, I took Tanya and The Little Witch to Raleigh to the airport for a flight to go see Angel in MI one more time before The Little Witch goes back to school on the 27th. I already miss them, but they will be home on Monday night.

Yes, with the help of family, friends, CBD oil and Lily, I have once again won the fight over the depression that makes life so difficult for so many people.

I will NEVER forget Calliope, she will always have a piece of my heart. But we all know life goes on and the fates have their plan for the things we all have to face. Thankfully, some of us don't have to face those things alone ...



Monday, August 13, 2018

Answer to an Anonymous Comment Left on Alpha Females

This comment was left this morning anonymously on the blog post "Alpha Females" and even though it is anonymous I know where it came from and who left it, thanks to the tracking system I have on this blog.
"WAIT!!!
Let me make sure I have this clear, you deleted and blocked me on all social media. We have no contact with each other, I don't even bother thinking about you. One of your lackys tells me that you go and create new profiles just so you can stalk me. Why bother blocking me or me blocking you? 
You then write about me and my life bitching about what I do online on your blog. You even went so far to use my user name to create blogs on Blogger and WordPress to try to thwart or stop me, nice try. 
You're a special kind of psycho!!
You are obviously obsessed with me and/or deeply in love with me.
After all, I AM PRETTY DAMNED AWESOME!!
Rock on!!
Get a life of your own please!!
Oh that's right you don't have one!!
Moving on now!!
Rant over!!"
Just let me begin by clarifying I know there are going to be many of you who think I should just let this go and be the bigger person. I have done that for much too long with this person. And I'm more than tired of the nasty, negative, bipolar bullshit she doles out on a regular basis. I'm hoping that once I bring this out to the light, she will stop ... yes, I also feel that is a slim chance but, still, I hope.

Yes, she is blocked on every social media site I know her to be on, especially if I also have an account on the same site. You see, once upon a time we were friends, no we've never met in real life, we were internet friends and would occasionally share a conversation via phone. Twice, I've removed her from my life and yes, I know it's all on me for giving that second chance, I'm an eternal optimist, I always hope for change.

I'm going to start here: "Get a life of your own please!"

I have a life, a pretty awesome one at that. I'm 62 years old, retired, collecting my pension and doing whatever the fuck I want to do. I have been a licensed nail technician for 39 years and keep said license current and legal. I also have a college degree with a double major. I'm married to the most amazing man, who works his ass off every damn day, doesn't drink and doesn't do drugs of ANY KIND, for the past 18 years. I have 3 grown children who I speak to every day or at the very least every other day. SEVEN wonderful grandchildren who I also have daily contact with 2 and at least weekly with the others. I have the freedom to make decisions regarding everything going on in our life because my husband trusts my judgment and I don't need his permission to buy a book that costs $12.99. I also have the ability to go with him OTR as he does his job as a commercial truck driver, which gives me both the opportunity to spend LOTS of quality time with him as well as seeing SO MUCH of the country I live in.
What do you have? You married your ex-husband's alcoholic pot head brother, eeeeww! incest much? YUK! Your children want nothing to do with you, not even a phone call or card on mother's day or your birthday. You've enlisted the "help" of friends who live in the same area as your daughters do to give you updates on how they are and what they are doing. Talk about stalking, pot calling kettle black much? Even your stepdaughter wants nothing to do with you. And the same whining poor pity me stories get old real fast, you won't make any changes, why should anyone care? 
We have a beautiful 4 bedroom, 2 bath house that sits on .75 acres that I've fully furnished in the style I want it to be, in a small town that gives us the ability to make it to the big city while still enjoying small town living or going to the beach as often as we would like to go. My yard is full of grass, trees, both flowering and fruit, I grow herbs and flowers. We have a pool that is used on a daily basis when it isn't raining. My bills are all paid on time, my pantry, refrigerators, and freezers (yes, I have 2 of each) are full, we don't eat shit full of preservatives and I can afford to do whatever the fuck I want. I just upgraded my Android tablet to an iPad Pro 12.9 and will be getting the new Note9 when our carrier releases it. I drive a 2015 Ford Edge with more bells and whistles than I've ever seen in my life.
You live in an apartment where your husband works in order to help reduce the cost of the rent. How many times have you changed apartments? How many times have you run out and rented new furniture because of some imagined fault in what you have? And each time you do, you have something to bitch about. You aren't happy and are never going to be, no matter how many times you run away from your problems. If you weren't always trying to reinvent yourself or trying to keep up with the Jones's maybe you could find a bit of peace. You have no freinds and whine all the fucking time about how you'd like to have someone anyone to hang out with. Why would anyone in their right mind want to hang out with you? You have nothing to contribute to a friendship and all you do is push people away from you. You are simply a waste, taking up space where someone else could greatly benefit. 
ALL of my children are successful in their career choices (yes, career) and have what is called tenure ... that thing where you stay with a job for more than 6 months at a time. One is tier 2 for MAC support on her way to Team Lead, one owns TWO successful businesses and has had to turn down new contracts because she's so busy, and one is an EMT working towards his paramedic certification. My daughter-in-law is working for the county they live in as a 911 operator. The 3 oldest grands are working or going to college, and the other 4 are making excellent grades in school. One of them is even getting college courses during her first year of high school.
You have changed jobs so many times in the past 5 years, your resume looks like a novel instead of a short story. And each time you get a new position with a new company you swear this is your chosen career. Gimme a break, you have to have longevity and history before you can claim a career. No matter what you do, which job you have or where you live, you are never going to be happy simply because you refuse to be. You don't have the balls to face reality and figure out how to make your life better, so you will always be a loser in everything you do. Because you have such a short attention span and can't absorb anything, your multiple attempts at bettering yourself or learning more always fail. You have never followed anything more than 5 minutes and then blame that failure on anything (mostly your supposed PTSD) or anyone who happens to be handy to take that blame. 
I am what I am, I don't make excuses and I don't try to reinvent myself every time I change my underwear.

One more thing and then I'm done. THIS POST is the first time I've ever written about you. If you see yourself in any other post I've written, that is YOUR insecurity, paranoia and guilty conscience plaguing you. Don't push your schizophrenic crap off on me. I do NOT have multiple accounts on any site so I can stalk you, and I have not created other blogs just to try and thwart you. You are one delusional and stupid cunt. And I regret EVER thinking of you as a friend.







And BTW, I changed the comment settings. If you want to comment you are going to have to use your Google account to do so. Don't have Google? Too bad, no comments for you.