Friday, July 6, 2012

Friends and What They Mean to Me...

The other day I was having a conversation with someone who made a random statement about how it is impossible to have real friends in this age of electronics and frenzy. She said she just can't seem to maintain any type of friendship relationship, because people are either too busy with their own personal lives or they are stuck behind a computer monitor or video game. She went on and on and on about how selfish her friends are and I have to be honest after listening to her whine, I wouldn't want to be her friend either.

This made me stop and really think about what she said and evaluate my life and my friendships.

Here is the *I* clause... The one that's all about me and what *I* do:

Yes, I am busy. No I don't work outside my home, I do take care of Ravyn 5 days a week for 9 hours each of those days. Along with this I make sure my house is clean, I cannot stand to live in clutter. I have a place for everything and try my best to keep things put where they belong. Sometimes I succeed, others not so much. I make sure our bills are paid on time, I take care of my husband when he is home. I take care of our fur babies and in a limited way, I also take care of some of the plants outside.

I'm also a full time college student maintaining a 3.9GPA. The degree program I'm enrolled in is for Complementary and Alternate Health with a minor in Entrepreneurship. It's a LOT of work, but I'm passionate about this and dedicate MUCH of my time to making sure I know the material and then doing the work required to *honestly* earn a bachelor's degree. At the end when I have my degree in hand, my ultimate goal is to have a Wellness Center offering options to western medicine for health care .

Here is the how I feel about my friends:

I have quite a few friends, personal, close friends who have been part of my life for many years. My BFF lives in Maryland, we have been friends and Spirit Sisters since 2004. Even though I moved away from MD in 2006, we still talk constantly, she knows when I *need* her, no matter the situation. I can't imagine my life without her. And on the other hand, I'm there at the other end of the phone or computer monitor when ever she needs me. I value this friendship and do everything I possibly can to nurture it...

Which brings me to the next point... I nurture each and every relationship I'm in. Whether it's a face to face relationship or an electronic relationship doesn't make any difference. BOTH get the same from me. I refuse to judge anyone for the way they believe about ANY subject. I have my own beliefs and when or if one of my friends and I can't agree with the other, it doesn't cause us to get all pissy and blow off the relationship. We choose to learn and grow from our differences. I don't expect everyone to agree with me and my feeling or beliefs, and I certainly don't completely agree with those of my friends.

So why is it so difficult for this person (the one who got me thinking) to make lasting friendships? I've talked to her a few times, so in my not so professional opinion, I feel she is too needy. Every conversation must be about her, she has no respect for any others ideas or opinions. No matter that she thinks she's the best friend going, if people won't stay around her and the drama that just rolls off her, she is the one with the issues and needs to do some deep soul searching to figure out how to change.

It doesn't matter if you feel your life is going good and you feel good about yourself (that's a form of narcissism) if others don't want to be around you for any period of time, there is definitely something not quite right with the inner you.

My friends, ALL of them, are very important to me! I love them all, whether I know them face to face, or they are on the other end of my computer monitor or a text message or email. Each of them have feelings I try to be aware of, each have family or relationship issues of some sort, and each of them have their down or low moments. It doesn't matter what mood they are in, I still love them. And they all know, no matter what is going on in my life, when they call me for ANYTHING, I'm there for each of them... NO QUESTIONS ASKED!


  1. Friends are a tricky thing. I have had one, truly true best friend. That's my husband. For 15 years he has been by my side and gone through hell and back with me. I support him in all that he does and he returns that support. I love him more than anything and can not imagine a life with out him.

    I've had 'best friends' before. I've bent over backwards for them; gave them a place to live, a car to drive, food in their pantry, presents for their children under the tree when they couldn't do it themselves, etc. I've walked with them through divorces, and breakups; through babies and death. But inevitably, when the sh*t hits the fan for me... they disappear. Baby born 10 weeks early... not a phone call. Mental breakdown... they call me selfish and deranged.

    My point? I guess I don't really have one. Just that I've learned that I have to be my own best friend. That I have the love of my life to walk this life with and that is all I need. I have friends and acquaintances, but I'll never put myself out there like that again. My life revolves around MY Life, not theirs.... ok, this may just have to turn into it own blog post... But you get where I'm going with this!


  2. Kourtney! I TOTALLY understand where you are coming form. My husband is also my life, my best friend, and my confidant. But with out others in my life I feel *I* wouldn't be the person I am today. I also have been in the same boat of giving til I couldn't give any more, so I understand that too.

    My entire point of this entry was to let people know if they want to have friends they need to learn to be a friend first. You and I have this, we KNOW how to be friends to other people. <3

  3. Great Post... I have a few friends because I have trust issues. But I love and adore my friends online. You all make me laugh. I wuldn't know what to do with out you all. We may not agree on alot of things but that wouldn't stop me from being your friend. Having you guys makes me happy. I also have my friends I have known forever. We don't have coffee or anything because we are all spread out in different states but they know if they need me I am there.

  4. You are absolutely right though. Without those people, without those experiences we wouldn't be the people we are today. There is a reason behind every relationship and every action. I guess I've just gotten better at letting them go rather than trying to hold on to them when its obvious we've each moved onto new and different experiences... yes, I think there is a blog post coming! :)

  5. I have a friend that reminds me of the person you wrote about. While I care about her a lot I have to admit sometimes she is difficult to be around because she focuses so much on negativity. Though I am only 20 and know I will have many friends that will come and go in my life, right now I have a few friends who I love with all my heart. We are all VERY different but still get along fine and most of them I talk to via phone, text, and on the computer since we all went to different colleges and moved away from each other and have our own lives. While I value the times I get to spend with them in person I am glad we are able to keep in touch so easily thanks to these tools.

  6. I think that how people assess the quality of "friendship" depends on their expectations. If they are needy and have unrealistic expectations that everyone's world will revolve around them and their problems, then yes, they're bound to be disappointed!