Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2013!

I know, I know... everyone is writing today and setting their goals or resolutions for the coming year. I have a few goals as well, and like many people, I believe mine are THE ones that will rock the world. However, unlike many people, I learned an enormous lesson from previously failed goals and my inability to stand firm with my resolutions. I don't make resolutions about weight loss, quitting smoking, writing every day or any of the more popular choices folks seem to trot out this time of the year. I don't make a last minute list to toss about in the first few hours of the new year... I spend some time contemplating the things from the previous year I want to remove from my life and the others I want to improve on. Then I set a plan for implementing the improvements. And I begin with baby steps...

First up is getting me back to me. The past 9 weeks have been the most difficult of times I have ever experienced and I still find myself wanting to crawl into a hole and pull the ground in after me. Since my mother passed away on October 27th, my experience with depression has gone from a mild type of seasonal depression that I go through every year to full-blown leave me alone, let me cry, I don't care, I'm not leaving my bed, non-functioning human being here. Fortunately, I have an amazing family, fantabulous friends and support system who let me work through the grieving process but wouldn't let me become the zombie I so wanted to be. Today, I can look in the mirror and know I'm on my way back, and even though I still hurt and miss my Momma, it is getting a tiny bit easier as each day passes to be a contributing part of the functioning human species once again.

I am taking time to meditate and work on my inner self, which in turn will help me with my next step of eating better. I have been lazy, and lackadaisical with my kitchen and cooking responsibilities. I only cook when there is someone here beside me. With Jimmy on the road, junk food was not only easier but seemed a way to *comfort* myself. I did cook for Thanksgiving and I did cook for Christmas. I'm cooking today and I'm the only one here. But the things I could microwave were what I've been eating for the most part. I know, I know...it's nowhere near being any kind of healthy and I am paying for it...I promise you that. And as I begin to eat healthy once again, I hope in a roundabout way that eating right will, in turn, lead to the beginning of weight loss. With both my parents and my maternal grandmother having TypeII diabetes I know I am a prime candidate to develop this horrible disease and I am determined to NOT be the next in line, to actually beat the odds. It's difficult, I know that, and I'm also weak-willed, I give in to temptation all too easily.

There you have it, my baby step, real and attainable goals for the beginning of 2013. Yes, I have more hopes, dreams, and things I want to manifest in my life and the life of my family throughout the coming year, but again...I'm progressing with teeny tiny baby steps. One tiny step at a time...