Saturday, May 24, 2014

Epiphanies ~ Chapter Two

 

This is a rather long and boring story. It's personal and maybe TMI for some. Yes, I've published it, there are a couple people who need to see this. And I also realize there are those people who read my blog, even though they swear they don't because I am nothing to them, who are going to have a good laugh over this post and a what the hell is she thinking. To those few I have this to say. Go fuck yourself!

Chapter Two


Let's fast forward a bit here. By now I knew I was done with this relationship. I slept on the couch and made sure I was working on his days off. We did nothing together now... not even share a meal. And my relationship with Jimmy was growing stronger. He and I  knew we were in dead relationships with our current spouses, but neither of us knew how to get out of them. About this time, Jimmy made the decision to leave his wife and asked the husband if he could sleep in our extra bedroom until he could find a place. We all mutually agreed it would work. And I was hoping it would be a buffer to some of the negativity and pity party I was living with.

When I had had enough of the poor pity me's from the husband and how he kept using the accident he had been in in 2000 that left him with some serious injuries (none life threatening, nor permanent) as an excuse for his behavior or lack of motivation (by now he had been released from the doctors and back to work full time for over a year), I made the decision to ask him to leave. I wanted him out of my life and out of my house. Yes, it was my house, the lease was in my name and part of my salary. He became nasty and aggressive. This is MY house he told me, I pay the bills and if anyone is leaving it is you. Luckily, I had a copy of my lease and showed him in fact it was not his, nor were any of the bills in his name and hadn't been since we moved (this part was also a condition of my employment. All utilities had to be in my name).

He left on a Friday night after he had come home from work. I arranged with my boss to get off early so I could be there to ask him to leave. On Saturday morning he came back to get his things, with his parents, who had driven up from Tucson. I think his dad was thinking he was going to intimidate me. This man had never liked me simply because I had been divorced when the son and I got together. BTW, the son was divorced as well, but that was OK in the father's eyes, he wasn't committing a sin in the eyes of the church. I stood in the middle of my living room daring any of them to say anything to me ... they must have figured out I was serious and pretty much in major bitch mode cause no one said two words to me. After they left, I called Jimmy and asked him to come home from work and talk to me, to keep me from doing anything stupid. That night, I sat on the sofa in my living room with Jimmy's arms round me, with all the lights out and cried like my life was over. Yes, I know this was my choice, and I knew it was the right one. I was still sad about it all.

Sunday morning, the sun is shining brightly and Jimmy takes me out to brunch. We talk about the future and what we both want to do with our lives. Even though he had been living in the same house, we hadn't had any serious conversations about when, if or how we thought about a permanent relationship for the two of us. We decide to give it a try, see if we were compatible and could get along without too many problems. I am 12 years older than he is, he grew up in Vermont and I in Arizona, I had been married 4 times and he twice. We had things in common, but many differences too. Yes, we moved pretty quickly and I'm sure there are those who believe I had him waiting in the wings until I could end my marriage. I know the truth and if you want to believe the worst of me, that's on you and I honestly do not care what you think any more.

Two weeks later I am at work and this man comes in looking for me specifically. I'm a little weirded out by this. It's a process server with divorce papers. When I get home after work, I take the time to go through the papers and I'm OK with everything except he wants MY car. The one that is in MY name and was purchased with MY income tax return and credit score. Oh Hell NO! I gave him everything he asked for the weekend he came to get all his stuff, even the artwork on the wall. And the car that was paid off because I made more money, my rent was 3/4's less than what his would be anywhere in the valley and he couldn't afford the payment on the new car that I had kept. Once our attorneys explain things to him, he agrees, we both sign and we are divorced, it only takes 60 days in AZ.

Finally I can move on with my life, be free of the suppression I had lived under for the past 14 years and try to find some happiness. Nope, not happening. Luckily, I had a garage that came attached to the apartment and I lived in a gated community. He tried to take my car on numerous times, even AFTER the title was changed to my name solely. The patio to the condo faced the main road and we found large rocks littering not only the patio but the grass in the common area between the patio and the wall for our patio. Yes, I am saying our... Jimmy is now a large part of everything I do. We sit down and talk about what is going on, end up calling the sheriff's department to file a complaint and are told they can do an incident report but because they couldn't find any finger prints on the door to the house or my car, they had nothing they could charge the ex with.

Next up we decide to change locations, we move to Scottsdale 45 minutes from where we were and change all the phone numbers and rent a PO box so all mail is forwarded there instead of the new place. Once again, I'm leasing what is considered luxury apartments, and our condo is part of my salary package once again. We are on the second level facing the parking lot, there is a private entrance (one set of stairs that lead only to our landing and door), and for a while we feel secure. Then it begins again. The harassment, the rocks thrown at our large living room window (remember we are now on the second level), the phone calls to my place of employment from his current girlfriend (WHY?? Why did she get involved? I did nothing to her, I didn't even know her). I never found out. This goes on for 4 months. One day I'm called into the property managers office (not the leasing office but the actual on site property manager) and was told the head of security wanted to talk to me. He came in and told me due to the fact I had *not disclosed* the time I had spent in jail in 1989 ( I didn't hide it, it showed up on the background check they ran before I was hired AND I had discussed this with them during the hiring interview) they were terminating my employment immediately and I had 72 hours to vacate the condo and leave the property.

You know those things that you just can't keep to yourself and you end up bragging to everyone you come into contact with? Yeah those things. I found out the ex's girlfriend was a paralegal and had pulled my record which she then forwarded to the property manager. The ex was tickled pink and couldn't keep his mouth shut. You know those drivers I mentioned way up there in the beginning??? Well, quite a few of them still considered me friend and called to let me know what was going on. How he was bragging all over different job sites how he had finally gotten back at me and now I was gonna pay.

Yeah, I paid alright... we packed up what we could get into a Hyundai Accent and moved all the way across country from Arizona to Maryland and left everything else behind. I walked away from a toxic relationship, a toxic ex husband, a toxic ex wife and chose to make a new beginning instead of spending the rest of my life in jail, this time for murder. Cause if I had stayed that is exactly where I would be now.

2 comments:

  1. I felt like I had to comment because there was something I am really feeling on this post. My current husband and I also bonded in that same way, and that we were both in marriages that were pretty much over. Like you and Jimmy , we did have "affairs", but pretty much did get together the moment that the marriages were over, and even though many years have passed and we have two children together (and he has raised my daughter from my first marriage since she was 3) we still after all these years hear accusations about our quote unquote affair, and for many years I have carried unecessary guilt about it. I bread all of the chapters and I wish you guys the best, I (sort of) I know where you are coming from.

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  2. Vickie LesperanceMay 26, 2014 at 10:52 AM

    Thanks Deanna! I have pretty much come to the conclusion that no matter how often or how loud I shout the innocence, there are going to be people who will still think the worst of me. I've also gotten to the point where I don't care... Good for you and your guy! Luck and love to you both!!!

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