Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tuesday's Twists & Turns


For those of you who follow Aoibheal's Lair, you know I usually write about the Witchling on Tuesdays. But not today. I've been pretty quiet in my personal writings, second guessing my thoughts and concerned some of the things I wanted to say would start the shit storm all over again. Today I'm writing about those thoughts that have been running around in my head and have finally grown wings. It's time to get it out, exorcise it, and then move on.

A little over a year ago, I made a decision that has had long range effects on many people, not just on me. Over the course of the past year, many others have made the same decision I did and have also experienced the same fate as I did. Most of us who made the decision to leave the unhealthy atmosphere have moved on with our lives, formed closer and tighter bonds with others, and learned the true meaning of friendship. And since most of us are quickly approaching (or passed in my case) middle age, we have left the hi-jinks of elementary school where it should be and don't carry it around with us. For me, sixth grade was nasty when I was 11, there is no way I want to go there again. We've been tested and have come through the storm much stronger for it. Once we made it through to the other side, we became productive not only in our personal lives, but our spiritual walk too.

Through recent conversations with some friends both personal (yes I know them in the real world) and Facebook friends, I have found I am not the only one who doesn't understand why the past can't stay in the past where it was left. Why does a previous conflict keep popping up, why does the shit keep getting stirred? And we have pretty much decided that keeping the pot stirred is the only way to keep the attention focused on the self and hinder the possibility of the focus shifting in a different direction. By reminding (or trying to continually convince others) everyone who the *real* victim in all the bru haha really is, the light is still shining brightly on the very person who cannot let it go. *Yes, I paraphrased the song from Frozen there*. This is sad, really sad. Unfortunately, I do not see that this behavior is going to stop in the near future.

For instance, a couple weeks ago, there was a conversation about bullying and a veiled demand for those who hadn't chosen *sides* to do so before the choice was taken out of their hands. This type of behavior in itself is also considered bullying. And unfortunately, the one making the demand knew those who were weaker than the others would decide to blindly follow without question. When a person decides to not take sides in a conflict and has proven time and again they can remain neutral, there is no reason to bully them into making a choice by claiming by not visibly choosing a side, they have in fact chosen the wrong side. Such pettiness, and from adults too.  In this type of situation, I have to ask myself if your idea of friendship is all about numbers and holding the *upper hand*? Yeah, umm ... no.

There is no need for anyone to demand loyalty from their friends, if you feel the need to demand loyalty from your friends, you have no concept of what it is to be a true friend. Example: when I made the changes I did, I did not even *ask* or hint that I wanted anyone to take my side. Many did not and that is OK. After a few weeks or months, some of them realized what was happening and they themselves left for one reason or another. This reinforces the concept of *Free Will* which is one of the major tenets of the Pagan path. They made their own personal choice without any influence from me. Individual choice, to decide what is best for personal growth is always more important than following the crowd in any situation.

My point in all this rambling nonsense is simple; stop trying to micro manage another person's life. Take care of yourself, walk your own walk, live your own spirituality and let others follow by your example, not by your demands. Your circle of friends will grow with healthy relationships and you won't have the need to bully them into doing anything ...

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