Thursday, October 9, 2014

Personal Growth


The other night, after the house was quiet and I was able to do my evening meditation, I was slapped up side the head (figuratively) and told to stop being something I'm not, stop making adjustments in my life to fit into someone else's idea of how I should behave. You see, I have been working on the inner Vickie and making modifications to the areas I felt needed a change. While in meditation, the Lady told me *You are a warrior and walking a path to be anything else will not work for you*. I was completely shocked when I was told to stop hiding my inner warrior. That is my calling and to not use it is to dishonor my Goddess.

When you have someone you look to for guidance, it is normal behavior to do everything you possibly can to accept the things they are teaching you and then implement them into your life. But, what if those changes go against everything you know to be true for you? What if the changes they give you direction towards negates everything your Deities have already begun to guide you in? And what if the behavior of your advisor who you have followed for many years, has radically changed over the past year or so? Do you continue to follow the teachings? Do you continue to believe everything they are saying to you?

You can, and I did. Up until the time I found myself becoming physically ill when I listened to and began to follow the lesson I was given instruction for. It took me a few days to determine the cause of the illness, once I was able to pinpoint why I had been feeling so lethargic, emotional, and nauseous, I stopped obsessing over why I hadn't been able to complete even the simplest of lessons I'd been given and distanced myself from what I felt was the negative cause. Once I did this, I felt like a blinder had been removed from my eyes and I was able to see clearly.

When you know in your heart of hearts what your destiny is and the steps you need to take to achieve that destiny, it becomes dangerous to deviate from that path. Yes, often times the challenge of the parallel path is well worth the outcome, but many times the decision is unhealthy and can do more damage than it can give positive results.

Last month I was having a conversation with a few friends and one of them told me "you have so much magic within you, you are who you are, those that think differently have no place or space in your life".  Jimmy has been telling me that for many years. He has so much more faith in me than I do in myself sometimes. But as I grow and listen to the things the Lady and Lord tell me I realize I can only do the things They direct me to do. And I cannot stray from the path They have set before me. They will keep me strong, They will keep me grounded and focused. Every time I try to take control out of Their hands, my life becomes scattered and I quickly lose my way.

A few days ago out of the blue I got a message on Facebook from one who has always been honest with me. In this message was a very cryptic sentence that simply but very plainly told me to  "Hold on to my Witch's hat".  And then a bit more clarification with "there is a change coming, all that does not serve you or help you to grow is being cleared away, it will take you by surprise". Yes, the clearing away that took place really did take me by surprise. But I think the thing that surprised me the most was the part of the conversation that went like this:

"Simply put you have outgrown your teacher". I said I cannot believe that, they have been walking their path all their life, I have only been on my journey for 12 years. And the reply I received was "In this life it has to do with what you bring with you from others and sometimes outgrowing just simply means thank you for walking this far with me but now its time I go this way and you go that."

"It's also a fact that every teacher student relationship comes to the point where the student outgrows the teacher, it's a fact of life and about being human. People come into our lives for a reason and when that reason is done so is the relationship, some teachers handle that situation with the class that makes them teachers to begin with others not so much and they allow their ego to take over".

I have come to realize, along with knowing I do not easily follow the crowd, that in my quest to be the best I can be, it is important to remember the things I have learned along this journey so far. And to stop questioning myself, to listen to the inner voices. To be silent and hear what the Lady is telling me. And to allow NO ONE to demand I rearrange myself to suit their perception of how they think I should live my life.

I am Vickie ... I am fire, I am impulsive, loud obnoxious and sometimes dangerous. But I am also loyal and trustworthy and I love unconditionally. And in every situation I find myself to "go to your magic, use your magic before any thing else in every aspect of your life."

And yes, I am WITCH ...