I Vow to be Myself
You know that feeling you get when there is something you *just know* you want to do or a challenge you feel should accept? Where all your waking thoughts are consumed by this topic and even your dreams can overwhelm you with every little situation that could possibly arise from this *thing*? Yeah, THOSE kinds of thoughts. I've been having them a LOT lately. I had even begun taking the first steps to have them manifest in my life, only to be rudely awoken by the reality of "this is NOT where your path is taking you. This is not what your higher calling is leading you to. Step off the safe road, step off the well worn lane and get back on the seemingly invisible path I have set your feet upon."
Several months ago, I did some research on a national organization I thought I wanted to part of. I contacted them, they in turn reached out to me and we began the process of checking items off the list of things I would need to do before I was officially part of the throng. And then I settled in to wait until all the information that had been exchanged could be confirmed and my references verified. And I waited ... and waited ... and waited. Until so much time had passed that I had actually mostly forgot about what at one time could have been considered an obsession.
And then one day the phone rings and on the other end of the line is the person who is going to give me the go ahead and I'm official. But wait, there's a few more questions that need to be answered before the final decision can be made. OK, I'm up for that. I have nothing to hide ... I answer the questions, everything is good to go, but after the call is over I feel as if I've been stifled, censored, once again made over into something I'm not. During the conversation I agreed to change some of the things that are the biggest part of me, and because of this, I feel confused, belittled and even a bit degraded. Once more I had gotten myself into a situation that in the end, wanted me to become and act like someone I am not. I am not all sunshine and lollypops, and there are times, no matter how hard I try, I CANNOT keep my mouth shut.
As I'm sitting here thinking about what I had just agreed to, I feel anxious, uncertain and then anger. Anger at the person on the other end of the phone that felt they had the right to expect me to be someone I am not, then even more anger at myself for agreeing to the things they asked of me.
And I have my answer. I know what I must do. And being part of this national organization I had been in communication with is NOT where my feet are going to be walking.
I MUST be true to myself in everything I do, with no compromise, no change and no doubts ... period!