Thursday, September 17, 2015
Yep, that crazy time begins today, and I am not prepared for this one. Usually, I can get a grip on my emotions and keep my mouth under control, not so much this time. Honestly though, I think my conflicting emotions stem from still not feeling 100% after falling off the gluten free wagon a couple weeks ago. I know it's going to be a process to get back to feeling as I was before I binged on everything wheat/bread related I could get my hands on. Add to this, all the complete and utter garbage floating around on the internet and "I swear it is more than enough to make a crazy person sane".
See what I did there?? Yeah, that's one of my Momma's favorite sayings when my brother and I had stomped on her last nerve. I find myself remembering things she'd say or do at some of the weirdest times. Guess she's watching out for me even now. It's almost 3 years and there are times when the loss is still so fresh and painful, a deep dark cave isn't even enough to keep it from creeping in unexpectedly.
There are so many things going on in our corner of the world, personal things that even though I can see them just over the horizon, they still haven't fully come into the light. And you all know I am not a patient person, I hate to wait and usually do everything I can to hurry things along. Unfortunately, I can't do that this time, so the changes will present themselves as they should. Once the majors ones come about, I can put things back together and find space for meditation and solitude when needed.
Yes, I'm rambling today, I need to. Writing used to be my therapy and for some reason I stopped taking advantage of that. I know the reason, I just won't admit it out loud, it's one of those demons I fight on a daily basis. Eventually, I'll figure out how to get over it and get back to putting me out there where I'm loud and proud. Until then, I'll write about the things I'm sure of, my personal experiences with Fibromyalgia and the nonsense that goes on in my daily life, such as it is.