Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Keep On Keepin On


To say it's been crazy here in Chateau Lesperance would be a horrible understatement. There are so many things going on in our everyday life it's more than difficult to keep track of it all. I can't remember how many times I've sat down to blog and been distracted by something going on in a different part of the house that needs my attention ... at the least, it's frustrating, at the most, it triggers my anxiety. So, I put the post I'm working on in the draft folder, walk away from the keyboard and when I do come back, I'm not able to find the flow again. This means drafts are consigned to the trash and deleted and I begin all over again.

The Witchling starts kindergarten this year, and she had Kindergarten Camp for a full week in the middle of July to get them accustomed to being away from home and interacting with others. Every day she brought home a folder with comments from her teacher letting us know how her day went. I have to admit, I was proud she got a "green" every day and comments letting us know she had a great day. But then, part of me had to admit, it was only half days and only for a week. It was all new and exciting for her. I'm still convinced we will be getting regular calls to come to the school because she's been sent to the office for something or another. No, she's not a bad child. She just speaks what is on her mind and she isn't shy about letting you know how she's feeling about any given thing at any given moment. The running joke around here is that her other grandmother and I will park their travel trailer in the school parking lot each day and take turns waiting for that call... LOL!! Once school actually starts on August 29th, she will be going for a full day, to me this is strange cause my kids only went half day for kindergarten, and then once they went to first grade they went all day.

Things with Jimmy and his new employer are beginning to level out. It is always difficult to get into the groove of how new employers want you to drive their truck and is especially challenging when they sometimes treat you as a novice driver when you have over 25 years of driving experience. However, he and his current driver manager seem to have found their niche and she's doing everything she can to honor their agreement of scheduling his loads to run at minimum 2,500 miles each week and get him home every weekend. I'm so thankful to him for the sacrifices he makes. Being away from home is not easy for anyone and is especially difficult for those who are not solitary people. Jimmy is a family man, a pack animal and all those alone hours aren't good for him, but he keeps those wheels turning ... and the benefits this company offers are some of the best I've ever seen.

Speaking of benefits, we finally have insurance. AFFORDABLE Medical, dental, cancer, long term and short term disability on both of us and then an additional supplemental insurance that reimburses us for any out of pocket expenses we have after paying the copay. I've already taken advantage of the health insurance and have gone to see a doctor for the first time in over 7 years. Yes, I'm still skeptical about doctors and would much rather use natural remedies, that isn't possible when you need preventative screenings that you haven't had in years. I think the doctor I chose could be an exception to my thought process, she really listens, asks questions and then discusses a plan of action instead of asserting her authority and doing what she thinks is best no matter what concerns I may have had. We  had no problems agreeing. I gave her my concerns, she asked questions about them, I answered, and then she laid out how she thought we should proceed. When I had a question, she answered, and gave a deeper explanation. Of the long laundry list of issues I have concerns about we are taking one step at a time, one issue or concern, deciding together IF that is why I'm not feeling well. The first thing she did was check my thyroid. Tanya has Hashimoto's disease and since thyroid problems are hereditary we felt it important to find out if my side of the family has problems. I'm happy to say I have no thyroid problems. And after a bit more searching we find that Tanya's biological father's side of the family does have problems with their thyroid health.

What we are treating is the anxiety that flows into depression. It is extremely difficult to admit to having a mental health issue. There is such a stigma attached to anything regarding mental health and it's easier to sweep it away into the closet than to say hey, I need help. I don't feel I need to justify my anxiety or depression, but when I sat and explained what I had been feeling, it made so much sense. With Jimmy on the road and my constant worry over his safety, I wasn't sleeping well at night and my temper was very short. I wanted to hide under the blankets and sleep most of the time. I was always tired with no energy. I "should" have recognized the signs, instead, I ignored them and tried to convince myself and those around me that I was really OK ... I wasn't. My doctor and I agree I wasn't in a good place, it wasn't an extreme place, just not healthy, I did need some help. All in all, I consider my first visit with her to be a great success. I have a follow-up appointment on the 18th to discuss how the treatment is working or not.  I have a feeling she is going to suggest increasing the dosage she initially prescribed. I'm OK with that ... I have committed to taking my life back and to stop dodging things and hiding under those blankets.