Over the past month or so, I've seen this video come across my Newsfeed on Facebook more than a few times. And while many are claiming victory with the things presented within the video, some of the people commenting and sharing who claim to be Alpha are in my opinion, flat out lying to themselves. Watch the video and then come back for my take on what it is like to be an Alpha.
"Never expect the Alpha female to be apologetic, humble, or be a quiet, submissive, meek and mild woman. She will instead rip your head off for violating her boundaries and trying to force her to be a part of the crowd when she is destined to be the leader ." (Cooper, D. 2018)
Most of the things in the video I will agree with, some of them not so much. I am writing about my life as an Alpha and while my experiences are different than others who claim this personality, not all of us are the same. Thank the Gods for that!
Personally, as an Alpha, my life and world are enriched by the partner I have in my life. He is the reason I can fully accept the things I do on a daily basis and know no matter what, he has my back. He's always going to back me in my choices and rarely does he make me feel like I need to second-guess those decisions. Does he always agree with my choices? Absolutely not. He does, however, know when I need to think things through a bit harder before I act. Does this take away from being an Alpha? No, not one little bit.
Does he consider himself an Alpha as well? Perhaps not in the manner this video depicts. To me, he is my other half, he's MY Alpha and we work very well together.
Now, here's where I have a difficult time with some of the things in the video and some of the people I've seen saying "Yes, I am and always have been an Alpha".
In the video, Ms. Cooper states Alpha women have a high social intelligence which permits them to function well in adversity, doesn't get depressed or back down when faced with challenges or rejections. This may be true for most of us, however, those who "claim" to be Alphas without the actual balls to live what they are claiming, mostly make themselves look like they are trying to find their niche in the world and fall on their faces more often than standing firm.
An example would be someone who is constantly searching for a place to fit in. Changing friends, changing their online identity at the drop of a hat, their physical look, their jobs, just constantly changing everything about themselves. By constantly changing everything they haven't given themselves time to adjust to the most recent change to see if it truly works for them or not. This is NOT what an Alpha does.
Most of the Alpha females I know are confident, not only in themselves but with all their choices and decisions. If a person can't decide what line of work they want to do, or any other numerous mundane daily choices, how can they claim to be an Alpha? They can't IMO. How many times does an Alpha change their eating habit because they can't accept the image they see in the mirror? Or the place they live because they rushed into to making a decision that wasn't well thought out before they made the leap?
An Alpha woman is a strong woman, she takes time to make a decision no matter what it concerns. She isn't afraid of criticism and will not hide her head in the sand because she didn't like what someone else had to say about her. If she is a public figure, even someone who writes a blog (me) with just a few followers, she doesn't freak out when someone doesn't agree with what is being said. An Alpha is well educated and usually knows the facts of a subject before ever opening her mouth. If I say something, I stand by it, I won't back down in the face of differing opinions because I've done the research and I know what I'm talking about.
One thing that took me a while to understand being an Alpha is it's perfectly fine to leave toxic situations. However, differentiating between toxic and fear can be challenging. For me, I had to understand the people and places I either left or removed from my life really were bad for me. I didn't freak out when a strange male sent a friends request on Facebook or started following me on Twitter or added me to his circle on Google+. I simply declined the friends' request, ignored the followers and don't interact in any way with them. This is MY power and no one can take that away from me unless I give them that power. I live in that power and refuse to give anyone the ability to make me feel less than. You won't find me curled up in a ball crying because someone said something hurtful or negative, and you sure as hell won't find me hiding from the outside world.
I think the most empowering thing I finally realized as an Alpha is my ability to be open-minded when it comes to most any situation I am presented with. I am all about equality for everyone. I detest those who say they are open-minded but get squeamish when a gay couple shows a little PDA in front of them. This isn't limited to who someone is in love with or how they want to live their life. I want everyone to be accepted no matter their race, relationship status, where they live or where they have been. Yes, I am pro-choice, it's my body and I make the decisions for it. I'm bisexual and have had a relationship with another female. I want equal rights and equal pay for everyone and this is just one of the things I work for each and every day.
So, you want to be an Alpha female? Before you claim ANY part of that trait, you better be sure you have the ability to embrace it fully. Throw off the things you've been taught and kick down those patriarchial walls. Stop second guessing yourself, stop changing yourself everytime you get your little feelings hurt. And most importantly stop lying to yourself. You won't ever break free from the hamster wheel you are going around and around in until you dig deep into your inner soul and find that strong woman you want to be.