Thursday, August 16, 2018
This Week Has Been TOUGH!
Because I knew I was eventually going to need to let her go, I had already made up my mind I was going to take some time to fully grieve for Calliope and what we had been through before I began looking for another companion.
The rest of Friday went by in a blur, we did back to school shopping for the Little Witch and once Tanya was finished working and they went home, we had delivery for dinner. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed, pull the blankets over me and cry. I was spiraling downward faster than ever before and I wanted to wallow in that depression that was coming for me. However, the fates always seem to laugh at me in times like these.
As we were finishing dinner, Tanya and Niffers, Ed, Ravyn & Sam came through the front door. In Tanya's hands was a small gift bag and I assumed they had gotten a small gift to help raise my spirits. I was thinking a new vaping mod or something along those lines. Once again I was wrong in my assumptions.
Most of you know I suffer from depression and anxiety, I've been on different meds to help regulate those emotions, but didn't like the feeling of being non-reactive or as Jimmy puts it, I walked around like a Zombie expressing no emotions and sleeping my life away. I needed and wanted a way to deal with/control the depression that didn't interfere with my life. A couple of years ago, I stopped taking the drugs my doctors prescribed and found that smoking pot helped a lot, but didn't actually like smoking, it burns my lungs, makes me cough, nor did I like the actual feelings produced by the THC. So I stopped. Then I found CBD oil. Hence the thought of a new vaping mode.
Tanya sits the bag down on the table in front of me and it moved, so I knew it wasn't a new mod. Up pops this little head and I take the tiniest, cutest little Yorkie pup out and promptly begin crying my eyes out, again. I've always wanted a Yorkie but felt I just couldn't afford to get one. And I sure as hell wasn't actively looking for one. However, Tanya knows me, better than I know myself sometimes. She knew months ago that losing Calliope would devastate me and had begun looking (without my knowledge) for a new companion for me. After Calliope had the first seizure on Monday, she knew time was growing shorter and she ramped up that search.
Once again I begin the nasty cry I've been fighting and when I finally manage to get those tears under control, she tells me that she chose one image and Tanya chose the other. I'm going to put both this frame and the box containing Calliope's ashes on the fireplace mantle.
After spending the rest of the weekend with Jimmy home, he goes back out on Monday and I wake to find a nasty ass comment left anonymously here on a post. I have already blogged about that and I've moved on away from it. Yesterday, I took Tanya and The Little Witch to Raleigh to the airport for a flight to go see Angel in MI one more time before The Little Witch goes back to school on the 27th. I already miss them, but they will be home on Monday night.
Yes, with the help of family, friends, CBD oil and Lily, I have once again won the fight over the depression that makes life so difficult for so many people.
I will NEVER forget Calliope, she will always have a piece of my heart. But we all know life goes on and the fates have their plan for the things we all have to face. Thankfully, some of us don't have to face those things alone ...